Separation Anxiety in Kids: What It Is and How to Help

If you’ve ever had a child cling to you at school drop-off, cry when you head out the door, or beg you not to leave them, you’re not alone. These moments can be heartbreaking, but they’re also very common. That fear your child feels when they’re away from you? That’s called separation anxiety. 

Let’s talk about what it is, why it happens, and how you can help your child through it. 

What Is Separation Anxiety in Kids? 

Separation anxiety is a normal part of child development, especially in younger children. It usually kicks in between 6 months and 3 years old when kids start to understand that people exist even when they’re not in the room. The problem? They’re not yet sure you’ll come back. 


Most kids outgrow this stage, but for some, the anxiety sticks around longer or shows up more intensely. When it starts to interfere with school, activities, or daily life, it might be more than just a phase. 

Common Signs of Separation Anxiety

It looks a little different in every child, but here are some typical signs to watch for: 


  • Crying or tantrums when a parent leaves 
  • Constant worry about something bad happening to themselves or a parent or caregiver when they are separated 
  • Clinging tightly during goodbyes 
  • Refusing to go to school or daycare, or refusal to fall asleep without the parent or caregiver 
  • Nightmares about being lost or separated 
  • Physical complaints like stomach aches or headaches 


Some anxiety is totally normal—but if it’s strong, ongoing, or starts happening out of the blue in older kids, it’s worth paying closer attention. 

Why Do Some Kids Struggle More Than Others? 

There are a few reasons a child might have more intense separation anxiety: 


  • Temperament: Some kids are naturally more sensitive or cautious. 
  • Major life changes: Moving, divorce, a new sibling, or starting a new school can all trigger anxiety. 
  • Past experiences: A scary event, illness, or sudden loss can make kids fear separation more. 
  • Parenting style: Overprotectiveness or inconsistent routines can sometimes add to the anxiety (no judgement—these styles are very common!). 

How You Can Help Your Child Cope with Separation Anxiety

The good news? There’s a lot you can do to help your child feel safe and more confident during separations. 


Try these tips: 


  • Keep goodbyes short and sweet: Long, drawn-out farewells can make things harder. 
  • Create a goodbye ritual: A special handshake, hug, or phrase can offer comfort. 
  • Stick to a routine: Predictable schedules help kids feel more secure. 
  • Practice short separations: Start small and build up. For example, leave your child with a relative for 10 minutes and gradually increase the time. 
  • Stay calm and confident: Kids take emotional cues from you. If you look worried, they’ll feel worried too. 
  • Avoid sneaking out: Always say goodbye. It builds trust that you’ll leave and come back. 

When to Get Help

If your child’s separation anxiety is extreme, lasts longer than a few weeks, or is interfering with school or social life, consider talking to a pediatrician or child therapist. They can help rule out Separation Anxiety Disorder and guide you toward the right support. The clinicians at Athans & Associates can help if your child is dealing with separation anxiety. 


Separation anxiety can be tough—for kids and parents. But it’s a normal part of growing up, and with patience, reassurance, and the right tools, your child can learn to feel safe and confident even when you’re not right there beside them. 



About the Author 
Courtney Griffin is a Professional Counselor at Athans & Associates. She works with children and adults, and has a Master’s Degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from DePaul University. 
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